WHEN IT HURTS—SURVIVING PEOPLE, LIFE AND MADNESS

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by Kyrian Lyndon

Now and then, someone will read a blog I’ve written and think, oh, that’s about me. The truth is, it’s probably about a lot of people. In certain life predicaments, you’re bound to encounter individuals with the same issues. You attract them and may even cling to them for a while because it’s familiar. But I’m also writing things I’ve learned about myselfthings that have allowed me to heal, grow, and evolve. I’ve had quite a bit of healing to do and, even with a ton of work, there’s always much more.

So, I know why people get stuck where they are. I understand that it’s never hard to go back there in a moment of weakness. I realize, too, that the culprits of our frustration come at us from a place of pain and fear, and that they, too, are suffering.

Unfortunately, there are times, for all of us, when we’re not sure how much more we can take of these people! We’re already dealing with the world’s latest and ongoing horrors. We’re trying to achieve our goals, live our dreams, and every so often, have to cope with overwhelming disappointment. Throughout all of it, the relationships we have with others can often determine whether or not we have the strength to continue.

Conflict resolution is important. To save myself a lot of time and energy, not to mention a whole lot of anguish and pain, I’ve had to learn the telltale signs that there is no hope for resolution. And you can bet it’s a lost cause when you’re dealing with emotional manipulators who will exploit your vulnerabilities. You don’t want to become the target of someone’s self-serving charade.

When we want approval or to fit in, we tend to forget that there is no good reason for allowing another person to shatter our self-esteem or undermine us at every turn. There is no reason to let anyone shake whatever faith we’ve managed to muster in ourselves. We don’t owe anyone that. It is an absurd self-sacrifice. Who can afford the constant message certain individuals impart to us, that we are not worth it? Many of us have spent decades fighting to get rid of that tape spinning around in our heads, and we don’t want it back.

So we have to let it all go with love. Walk away with our dignity and self-respect, and protect ourselves from further harm. Because to resolve anything, we need two people who care enough about each other to listen, both willing to own their part.

Bottom line—we have to take care of ourselves. And those times when we feel like giving up are the times to be especially self-nurturing.

Battling egos may seem trivial compared to the struggles of others, and we may feel selfish stressing over it, but those feelings don’t go away because we think we’re not entitled to them.

What has helped me, more than anything, is adopting a perspective that life is a challenge. Whatever I’ve had thrown at me, I wanted to rise to meet that challenge. Sometimes I didn’t want that immediately but stepped up after allowing myself to process a reality. I can say, in all honesty, if I didn’t know when to shut down, when to preserve, protect, back the hell off and breathe in some self-love, I wouldn’t be here.

An important thing to remember is, despite what many people believe, there is enough success to go around. There is enough love. Many things get in the way of love—unrealistic expectations, rivalry, ego, but I think if we focus on love, and what we have to give, things do get better. We also become less inclined to give up on people, and they’re less likely to give up on us.

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© Copyright May 4, 2016 by Kyrian Lyndon at kyrianlyndon.com.

About the author:

514mCTpQT-L._US230_Kyrian Lyndon is the author of Shattering Truths, the first book in her Deadly Veils series. She has also published two poetry collections, A Dark Rose Blooms, and Remnants of Severed Chains.

Kyrian Lyndon began writing short stories and fairy tales when she was just eight years old. In her adolescence, she moved on to poetry. At sixteen, while working as an editor for her high school newspaper, she wrote her first novel, and then completed two more novels at the ages of nineteen and twenty-five.

Born and raised in Woodside, Queens, New York, Kyrian has worked primarily in executive-level administrative positions with major New York publishing companies.

She resides on Long Island in New York.

Featured image from Unsplash

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4 comments

  1. “Conflict resolution is important. To save myself a lot of time and energy, not to mention a whole lot of anguish and pain, I’ve had to learn the telltale signs that there is no hope for resolution. And you can bet it’s a lost cause when you’re dealing with emotional manipulators who will exploit your vulnerabilities.”

    I’ve never heard the term “conflict resolution” used in this way–it usually refers to two people sitting down with a mediator–but I think it’s perfect as you employ it here because it captures the idea of internal conflict over how to mage external conflict. The poignant. painful fact that in many situations there is no solution to the external conflict other than to walk away still leaves us, as you describe here, with the internal conflict. Like a nest of Russian dolls, removing one to discover another. I am reminded of the opening line from a Robert Anderson play “I Never Sang for My Father”: “Death ends a life, but it does not end a relationship, which struggles on in the survivor’s mind toward some final resolution, some clear meaning, which it perhaps never finds.”

    Liked by 1 person

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