She wants, just once, to shake this feeling men want her as a sexual being only. At the end of a day just south of bearable, as she finally lay down, sinking into her man won’t be about touching that leads to something else.
Can’t it be about touching for touching’s sake? Affection and appreciation apparently not on the agenda she wants, and fails, to assert. When did what her lover wants now become her cross to bear?
Damned either way, her body cries…
Why is it always about sex?
A caged animal slipping, exposed, nowhere to go. So she gives and receives and they, the various lovers of her heart, compliment her, tell her how sexy she is, how skilled. She barely hears their impassioned murmurs, her mind pushing down the groping squeezes and tantalizing strokes, smiling at them as she weaves a web in her mind to capture these sweet nothings to feast on later.
With the right person, she finds sex transcendent. It’s not that she doesn’t want it, crave it, even find pleasure inside those wavy folds of bliss. Most lovers don’t understand her intense need for affection – then again, they weren’t used for sex as a child, either.
She acknowledges this block, the way the memories exist in her mind like a prey’s resistance, a gift her abuser so generously left behind.
‘Now I lay me down to fuck,’ she whispers to her new lover.
He smiles, kissing her many scars, dark eyes paying them homage. Making different memories, she prays for acceptance. That she will not just get through it, but allow him into her soul.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Rachel Thompson is the author of the award-winning, bestselling Broken Places (one of IndieReader’s “Best of 2015” top books and 2015 Honorable Mention Winner in both the Los Angeles and the San Francisco Book Festivals), and the bestselling, multi-award-winning Broken Pieces, as well as two additional humor books, A Walk In The Snark and Mancode: Exposed. She recently released her first business book, the BadRedhead Media 30-Day Book Marketing Challenge, to stellar reviews. She is thrilled to be included in Feminine Collective’s two anthologies, Love Notes From Humanity: The Lust, Love & Loss Collection and Raw and Unfiltered Vol 1: Selected Essays and Poems on Relationships with Self and Others. She owns BadRedhead Media, creating effective social media and book marketing campaigns for authors. Her articles appear regularly in The Huffington Post, Feminine Collective, IndieReader.com, The Verbs on Medium, Vocal Media, Mogul.com, and several other publications. Connect with Rachel at RachelintheOC.com or BadRedheadMedia.com. Not just an advocate for sexual abuse survivors, Rachel is the creator and founder of the hashtag phenomenon #MondayBlogs and the live weekly Twitter chats, #SexAbuseChat, co-hosted with certified therapist/survivor, Bobbi Parish (Tuesdays, 6 pm PST/9pm EST), and #BookMarketingChat, co-hosted with author assistant Melissa Flickinger (Wednesdays, 6 pm PST/9pm EST). She hates walks in the rain, running out of coffee, and coconut. She lives in California with her family.